Courage Versus Strength

Courage Versus Strength

By JessicaRae

 

 

 

Everyone has a pillar; someone they lean on in times when things are falling apart. Someone to give them a nudge in the right direction or give them a hand when they need it.

Above, she had Isaac Stubbs. A strong man, a fearless man. Someone that could mop up the ground with a ruffian or two and never break a sweat. He took her under his wing immediately, his teaching and wisdom giving her the venom that she needed to kill the demon inside her. The demon of helplessness. The demon of 'never again'.

"So, you want to learn to take care of yourself?"

"That's right."

"Because something bad happened to you. And you don't want anything like that to ever happen again."

"Never."

He was tough on her. Never quitting, never giving in, never yielding to the 'can't. She was grateful for that. Over time, it did change her. He gave her an edge over the darkness. And she wasn't afraid to fight anymore. The first time she put her fear into the battle, she nearly knocked him out with a bat in the frenzy of combat. This revelation of her internal strength dawned over them both light a faint beacon of hope. For one split moment, he felt fear at the tiger that he had released. But he was proud of her. She was proud of herself, for that matter. The smile she had given him was one of victory. He felt as if he had won right alongside her.

At night she played the scene over and over in the darkness, until one day she changed the outcome. She gave them everything she felt inside, every right hook, every left hook, every fist and ankle and knee she had, taking her enemy down in the darkness, over and over and over, until her mind believed that maybe she had won after all. She came down from her adrenaline-filled imagination with her hands aching in clenched fists, and she let each crumpled finger relax, mesmerized by the redness seeping into the pale white skin, as the blood returned to her tingling hands. Reality said she hadn't won, but truth said that given the chance to try again, there sure would have been a lot more fighting than before. She wouldn't cower in fear again.

Below, she had Vincent. Immensely strong, but also gentle. He could tear his way through the wall of a brownstone house if he wanted, but he could also caress her hair beside the waterfall if he needed. He took her under his wing less quickly, but once the decision was made, the devotion ran much deeper. He could not offer her venom, having too much of his own, but he gave her fire. He gave her courage, the courage to kill the demon who lived outside her. The one called fear. The demon of 'maybe.'

"It's been hard, Vincent..."

"Yes..."

"I'm learning to be strong..."

"I know - Catherine, I feel the things you're feeling, when you do."

"How do you mean...?"

"Just know that it's true - and that your pain is my pain. Sometimes almost as if we are one..."

He was firm, but he was kind. He never pushed her to be braver than she could. He never asked more from her than he was also willing to give. But when push came to shove, he would be right beside her, fending off the demons she wasn't strong enough to take on. He believed her much more capable of embodying the fearless nature inside of her than she did of herself. She was willing to do whatever it took to defend him or his people, but less willing to stand up for her own beliefs. He helped her see that she could. She didn't have to be looked down upon or give up the things she most loved, her dreams, her plans. In fact, he didn't want her to. He would rather bow out of her life completely than let her give up what made her Catherine. He loved her when no one else could. He was a light to her darkness, a kindness to her self-loathing. How could she ever forget his gentleness, his forgiveness, his acceptance? If the sun rose and set over Central Park a million times, it still would not be long enough to forget the Vincent she had found in her darkest days.

At a moment in her life when she found herself weak and broken, two men of the underworld bore her up.

Isaac gave her the gift of strength.

Vincent gave her the gift of courage.

Together, they gave her the gift of freedom.